just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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