we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
