i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
