Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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