I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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