she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
