You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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