I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
