and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
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