I'm gonna have a badass scar
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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