my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
