so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
