Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
