My sheets look like a crime scene.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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