The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
