I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
