now i know why i became what i already was.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
