I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
