between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
