I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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