It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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