I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
this just has baby written all over it
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
