I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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