how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
