Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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