Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
