She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
