I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
it wasn't lemon gatorade
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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