My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
