Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
