Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I want to be your penis for a week.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
