My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Randomize
