im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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