the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
