Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
