Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
