remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
