CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Girls should come with a carfax report
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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