i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
i think i just lost a toe
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
