I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Sober January is a disaster.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
