If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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