# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
