I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
