don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i will never coherently bang her
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
