Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
