My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
