god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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