you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
