We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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