When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
