Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
