I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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