I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
