she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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