I hope mine doesn't look like that
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
