I didn't shave. On purpose
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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