Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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