Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
