just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
