I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
ttyl tear gas
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
