How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
i drank out of a bidet.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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