I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
